All you have to do anymore is walk out your door on your way to work and you will run in to stupidity. You can't swing a dead cat without running in to it. This planet is crawling with stupid people who are walking around unattended. On the bright side, they're free entertainment...
A woman in Iowa caught her toddler playing hide and seek in her clothes dryer. Instead of saying "no honey, the dryer isn't a toy. You need to go find somewhere else to play hide and seek," this genius felt a punishment was in order.
You know, we have all done dumb things for which our parents had to punish us. Usually I got grounded. The worst that ever happened to me was I got grounded and was forbidden to watch "Dukes of Hazzard" that night. But this woman in Iowa proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that maybe a "Parenting License" should be mandatory. At least a common sense test should be administered before being allowed to procreate. This woman closed the dryer and turned it on with her kid inside.
And apparently didn't even have the decency to toss in a Cling-Free sheet.
Ah, those hot summer days of our childhood. Remember hearing those familiar bells playing "Pop Goes The Weasel" and quickly running to mom and asking for some pocket change because the ice cream man was coming? It was a banner day when Mom gave up fifty cents for a popsicle. But a 65 year old woman in Utah has managed to take all the fun out of chasing the ice cream truck. Apparently upset over the high cost of frozen dairy treats, Grandma felt the need to attack the ice cream truck driver with a can of cleaning spray. The police were called and somehow along the way Grandma felt the need to go after them as well. Maybe she was just mad that they wouldn't arrest the ice cream truck driver for charging what she did.
I'll give her credit though. At least she didn't blame President Bush like another idiot I know...
You know, guys, it seems we're always getting accused by our significant others of not being romantic enough. So I guess we can't blame this guy in Florida for at least making an effort to bring a little romance in to his girlfriend's life.
He had it all planned. A lovely candlelight dinner, perhaps an adult beverage afterwards, maybe a fire in the fireplace (bit since this was Florida my guess is that if he had a fireplace it would have been one of those electric fake firepalces), some romantic music (cue the Barry White CD), followed by some serious lovin'. Oh this would be a night to remember. And it was since he spent it in jail. You see, apparently PAYING for this romantic evening never entered this genius' mind. His brain must have been too full of "sexy thoughts" to remember that shoplifting is a crime. He stuffed 4 steaks and a couple of candles down his pants and tried walking away. When a store employee caught him, he tried running away. However a couple of candles and 4 sirloins made his escape rather tricky.
Could have been worse, though. He could have stuffed the candles in his pants for a different reason...
It's been said that 8 hours of sleep a night is essential for us to be able to function properly. The guy in Palm Beach should have read that memo. If he had gotten 8 hours of sleep the previous night, it's quite possible he wouldn't have fallen asleep while robbing a home. I guess he just couldn't wait to get his ill-gotten booty home before sacking out. The homeowner came home and caught the bonehead sleeping on the sofa. When the police arrived to arrest this genius, he didn't help his cause by telling the police he thought he was robbing his ex-girlfriend's house.
If this guy is going to continue his life of crime, may I suggest adding No-Doz to the shopping list?
This story is my personal favorite since it happened a mere 11 miles from where I now sit. Franklin County Sheriff's deputies were running a prostitution sting in Worthington, Ohio. By all accounts it was a successful operation as several ladies of the night were rounded up, along with their...uh...managers.
One lady (and I use that term loosely) was arrested and charged with solicitation, along with her pimp. Deputies discovered, much to their dismay, that this particular prostitute had brought "Bring Your Kid To Work Day" to a whole new level. Her three year old son was in the car while mommy was inside trying to bring home the bacon.
I wonder if the pimp offered a great medical insurance program. That kid is going to need a lot of therapy.
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